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State-of-the-Art Shitcode Principles

State-of-the-art Shitcode

This a list of state-of-the-art shitcode principles your project should follow to call it a proper shitcode.

Read this in other languages: ็ฎ€ไฝ“ไธญๆ–‡, ํ•œ๊ตญ์–ด

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The Principles

๐Ÿ’ฉ Name variables in a way as if your code was already obfuscated

Fewer keystrokes, more time for you.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

let a = 42;

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

let age = 42;

๐Ÿ’ฉ Mix variable/functions naming style

Celebrate the difference.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

let wWidth = 640;
let w_height = 480;

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

let windowWidth = 640;
let windowHeight = 480;

๐Ÿ’ฉ Never write comments

No one is going to read your code anyway.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

const cdr = 700;

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

More often comments should contain some 'why' and not some 'what'. If the 'what' is not clear in the code, the code is probably too messy.

// The number of 700ms has been calculated empirically based on UX A/B test results.
// @see: <link to experiment or to related JIRA task or to something that explains number 700 in details>
const callbackDebounceRate = 700;

๐Ÿ’ฉ Always write comments in your native language

If you violated the "No comments" principle then at least try to write comments in a language that is different from the language you use to write the code. If your native language is English you may violate this principle.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

// ะ—ะฐะบั€ะธะฒะฐั”ะผะพ ะผะพะดะฐะปัŒะฝะต ะฒั–ะบะพะฝะตั‡ะบะพ ะฟั€ะธ ะฒะธะฝะธะบะฝะตะฝะฝั– ะฟะพะผะธะปะบะธ.
toggleModal(false);

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

// Hide modal window on error.
toggleModal(false);

๐Ÿ’ฉ Try to mix formatting style as much as possible

Celebrate the difference.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

let i = ['tomato', 'onion', 'mushrooms'];
let d = [ "ketchup", "mayonnaise" ];

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

let ingredients = ['tomato', 'onion', 'mushrooms'];
let dressings = ['ketchup', 'mayonnaise'];

๐Ÿ’ฉ Put as much code as possible into one line

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

document.location.search.replace(/(^\?)/,'').split('&').reduce(function(o,n){n=n.split('=');o[n[0]]=n[1];return o},{})

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

document.location.search
  .replace(/(^\?)/, '')
  .split('&')
  .reduce((searchParams, keyValuePair) => {
    keyValuePair = keyValuePair.split('=');
    searchParams[keyValuePair[0]] = keyValuePair[1];
    return searchParams;
  },
  {}
)

๐Ÿ’ฉ Fail silently

Whenever you catch an error it is not necessary for anyone to know about it. No logs, no error modals, chill.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

try {
  // Something unpredictable.
} catch (error) {
  // tss... ๐Ÿคซ
}

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

try {
  // Something unpredictable.
} catch (error) {
  setErrorMessage(error.message);
  // and/or
  logError(error);
}

๐Ÿ’ฉ Use global variables extensively

Globalization principle.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

let x = 5;

function square() {
  x = x ** 2;
}

square(); // Now x is 25.

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

let x = 5;

function square(num) {
  return num ** 2;
}

x = square(x); // Now x is 25.

๐Ÿ’ฉ Create variables that you're not going to use.

Just in case.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

function sum(a, b, c) {
  const timeout = 1300;
  const result = a + b;
  return a + b;
}

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

function sum(a, b) {
  return a + b;
}

๐Ÿ’ฉ Don't specify types and/or don't do type checks if language allows you to do so.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

function sum(a, b) {
  return a + b;
}

// Having untyped fun here.
const guessWhat = sum([], {}); // -> "[object Object]"
const guessWhatAgain = sum({}, []); // -> 0

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

function sum(a: number, b: number): ?number {
  // Covering the case when we don't do transpilation and/or Flow type checks in JS.
  if (typeof a !== 'number' && typeof b !== 'number') {
    return undefined;
  }
  return a + b;
}

// This one should fail during the transpilation/compilation.
const guessWhat = sum([], {}); // -> undefined

๐Ÿ’ฉ You need to have an unreachable piece of code

This is your "Plan B".

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

function square(num) {
  if (typeof num === 'undefined') {
    return undefined;
  }
  else {
    return num ** 2;
  }
  return null; // This is my "Plan B".
}

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

function square(num) {
  if (typeof num === 'undefined') {
    return undefined;
  }
  return num ** 2;
}

๐Ÿ’ฉ Triangle principle

Be like a bird - nest, nest, nest.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

function someFunction() {
  if (condition1) {
    if (condition2) {
      asyncFunction(params, (result) => {
        if (result) {
          for (;;) {
            if (condition3) {
            }
          }
        }
      })
    }
  }
}

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

async function someFunction() {
  if (!condition1 || !condition2) {
    return;
  }
  
  const result = await asyncFunction(params);
  if (!result) {
    return;
  }
  
  for (;;) {
    if (condition3) {
    }
  }
}

๐Ÿ’ฉ Mess with indentations

Avoid indentations since they make complex code take up more space in the editor. If you're not feeling like avoiding them then just mess with them.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

const fruits = ['apple',
  'orange', 'grape', 'pineapple'];
  const toppings = ['syrup', 'cream', 
                    'jam', 
                    'chocolate'];
const desserts = [];
fruits.forEach(fruit => {
toppings.forEach(topping => {
    desserts.push([
fruit,topping]);
    });})

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

const fruits = ['apple', 'orange', 'grape', 'pineapple'];
const toppings = ['syrup', 'cream', 'jam', 'chocolate'];
const desserts = [];

fruits.forEach(fruit => {
  toppings.forEach(topping => {
    desserts.push([fruit, topping]); 
  });
})

๐Ÿ’ฉ Do not lock your dependencies

Update your dependencies on each new installation in uncontrolled way. Why stick to the past, let's use the cutting edge libraries versions.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

$ ls -la

package.json

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

$ ls -la

package.json
package-lock.json

๐Ÿ’ฉ Always name your boolean value a flag

Leave the space for your colleagues to think what the boolean value means.

Good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

let flag = true;

Bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

let isDone = false;
let isEmpty = false;

๐Ÿ’ฉ Long-read functions are better than short ones.

Don't divide a program logic into readable pieces. What if your IDE's search breaks and you will not be able to find the necessary file or function?

  • 10000 lines of code in one file is OK.
  • 1000 lines of a function body is OK.
  • Dealing with many services (3rd party and internal, also, there are some helpers, database hand-written ORM and jQuery slider) in one service.js? It's OK.

๐Ÿ’ฉ Avoid covering your code with tests

This is a duplicate and unnecessary amount of work.

๐Ÿ’ฉ As hard as you can try to avoid code linters

Write code as you want, especially if there is more than one developer in a team. This is a "freedom" principle.

๐Ÿ’ฉ Start your project without a README file.

And keep it that way for the time being.

๐Ÿ’ฉ You need to have unnecessary code

Don't delete the code your app doesn't use. At most, comment it.


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